In today’s article: The Frustrated Husband: Sexless Marriage Advice for Men we discuss how many men find themselves in a marriage that lacks intimacy and sex. Let’s explore this topic and offer possible solutions that may help the frustrated husband deal with a sexless marriage!
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Frustrated husband? Tired of feeling lonely and isolated in your marriage? Tired of being in a sexless marriage? You came to the right place!
Quick Tip: If you are serious about meeting and hooking up with married women then the EASIEST option is AshleyMadison.com !! There is simply no other way to discretely meet these elusive women who are seeking a man like YOU!!1. The Problem: A Dead Marriage
2. Put Your Marriage in Proper Perspective
3. Your New Life!
4. Take Care of Yourself!
5. Still married, still no sex… What to do?
6. Closing Thoughts… The Frustrated Husband: Sexless Marriage Advice For Men!
This site offer married men the opportunity to meet other married women looking to have a relationship outside of their marriage!
If you’re reading this short guide on how to survive a dead marriage I am willing to bet that you are beyond discouraged with your selection of spouse and the marital situation you currently find yourself in.
All I can say is… Welcome to the club!
While I find myself in a fairly decent marriage I do come across many men who seem very desperate and lonely while being married.
One can only wonder why these men stay in a marriage that seems less than desirable.
The obvious reasons include such things as financial constraints, health concerns, emotional obligations and children.
Just the other day I was having coffee with a good friend of mine and he was going into the details of his fairly pathetic marriage.
After listening to his story I tried my best to be understanding and empathetic as he described his story of loneliness and cruelty that comes from his wife.
Trying to poke the bear as much as I could to see if possibly he could be at fault to some degree for her behavior he was adamant that she was just truly too difficult to live with.
Having a fairly large web magazine that caters to men and the relationships men have with women I do get a fair number of emails on a weekly basis from men who seek advice about their unhappy marital situation.
There are commonalities amongst most of these men and their relationships with their wives. Here are a few common traits, or better put, common situations that unhappily married men encounter when married:
I received an email from a guy in Chicago over six months ago who claimed he is working a full-time job as an accountant and a part-time evening job as a bookkeeper for large auto dealership.
He claims he is working well over 75 hours per week to provide a fairly robust lifestyle for he and his family.
Despite all the hours he works he states that his wife is always complaining about the quality of the items/things they have in their lives.
The house is too small. Why don’t we have a Mercedes? Why can’t we send our kids to private school?
My friends travel to Europe without their husbands – why can’t I? Why can’t you give me an allowance of $1000 per month? Do any of these sound familiar to you?
A wife who wants more then you are able to financially provide and then complains about it is a true emotional drag to be with.
Resentment quickly settles into the marriage on both sides and then one day one or both you decide to either leave the marriage… or fool round.
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However, if there is any resentment or anger towards one another the first thing to go his physical intimacy.
It may be her not wanting to have sex with you, the husband; or maybe you who is at the point where you truly resent your wife and you don’t want to have sex with her!
Either way, having a sexless marriage can be a drag if you are still under the age of 40.
For those of us over the age of 40 a sexless marriage becomes less and less important as we age.
But if you are the poor bastard who is 35 years old and your wife refuses to have sex with you… well, I wish you only the very best with that!
Don’t need to go into too much detail here because it seems to me that many women just turn into these unhappy beings once the wedding ring is put on her finger.
They seem to lose all respect for their husband and become so self-absorbed, but in an angry selfish manner, that they become virtually impossible to live with.
If you find yourself married to one of these, and I have several friends who are married to one of these types of women…
Then you have an uphill battle to get up every morning and work long hours to provide for your family only to come home to this nasty individual every single day.
Not sure why women turn into this particular type of person; but when they do it almost always turns into a divorce situation.
The solution: if you are a man and you are truly unhappy in your marriage but you are stuck and cannot easily file for divorce what options do you have?
If you just look at it at face value and realize you are truly stuck for the rest of your life… well, you have a pretty grim future facing you!
However, if you start to realize that your wife should no longer be your priority…
…but just a roommate you start to think outside the box which enables you to start having a life that can be fun, very enjoyable and free from this nagging bitchy wife.
All without the necessity of having a divorce!
Since you’re reading this article and you made it this far you are probably stuck in a very dead marriage with a woman you probably don’t want to be with anymore.
Getting a divorce is out of the question because you have kids or other financial obligations that make it almost impossible to move forward with.
So what does a guy do in this situation? Simple!
You need to put things in proper perspective. You need to realize that your wife has power over you and that you need to somehow turn that around to where she has no emotional power over you.
And to do that it is as simple as putting things in proper perspective.
By being in a very dead marriage and with an undesirable spouse all you truly are having in the form of a relationship is a “roommate” type relationship.
There is no sex. There is no emotional intimacy. There is vaguely any type of friendship left over after years of being married.
There is only a wife who seems unhappy all the time… and somehow it’s all your fault – according to her!
What I want you to do after reading this short report is to put on your jacket, your shoes and put your wallet in your back pocket and head out to your local Starbucks.
Don’t tell your wife or your kids where you are going – it is none of their business!
When you get to the Starbucks sit down, drink your coffee, watch the people around you and enjoy this time by yourself.
What you will see at some point is a young couple who are attentive and affectionate to one another.
When you see this I can almost guarantee you will envy the young man of this couple as you long to be like him with someone who’s attentive and affectionate with you.
But that is no longer the case with your wife. Bummer!!
It is here while you are drinking your coffee that you must make the decision to still care about your wife and be the best possible husband you can be.
But more important is that you commit to yourself to better take care of yourself and look out for your own interests and start living a life almost separate from your marital relationship.
You are going to start enjoying life and not include your wife in this new life you will be creating for yourself. In essence you are putting things into proper perspective…
Your wife has become less than desirable and now is the time to look at her only as a roommate.
Because, when you think about it, that’s all she truly is anyways, right?
She is a roommate who is unhappy and is making your life not very fulfilling; thus leaving you somewhat tired of being in a dead marriage.
So starting from this very moment when you leave the Starbucks your life is now different.
You still are and always will be the best possible dad you can be for your kids. They become your number one priority.
Your number two priority is: you!! Not your marriage. Not your wife. Not what you hoped your marriage would be.
You are now your new priority! Your wife… well, she is just a roommate. That’s all. Nothing more, nothing less.
Of course, you do not tell her this.
This is just something you have emotionally come to terms with and concluded for your own emotional well-being that she is no longer a priority in your life.
What you’ll discover is that it will be much easier to get along with her because she will no longer will have emotional power over you.
You have given up on her emotionally and are now pivoting in a new direction that will lead to a more fulfilling life that may not include her.
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So the first thing you are going to want to do is to start getting your emotional bearings back on track.
Here are three things you must do to get your feelings of self-worth and inner-confidence back to a level that makes you feel alive and whole again.
Most men who are in their late 30s and older and have been married for a while are truly physical wrecks.
Too much time watching the kids, working long hours and surfing the channels on the couch have led to a body that is less than fit.
The number one thing anyone can do to gain an incredible new found sense of confidence and self-esteem is to go about getting very very fit.
I have seen it over and over many times where men who seem lost and emotionally depressed discover fitness and almost overnight they become a new man with a new sense of purpose in life.
Their confidence soars as their body is slowly transformed into a Greek God.
Now keep in mind I am not talking about being only so-so fit. I am talking about being extremely fit and putting in the effort to be extremely fit.
Aim for a body that can grace the cover of Men’s Health magazine.
When you start going through the process of getting that fit, and you start to see the results of your efforts, you will see that your overall self-esteem greatly improves!!
This goes without saying that once you put your marriage in proper perspective and start living a life outside of your marriage your friends will start to become much more pronounced in your life.
Doing things with your friends starts to replace the things you did once with your wife.
The only difference between your wife and your friends is that when you did things with your wife they were much less enjoyable.
Either she complained or criticized the things you did together… which made them difficult instead of enjoyable.
With your friends these social activities become enjoyable once again. And once things start to become enjoyable again you start to feel good about yourself and feel good about the people you are around.
In essence you have removed the negative influence in your life and replaced it with those who truly want to spend time with you!
And it is important to mention here that once you start living a life outside of your marriage the wife will start to notice.
She will start to complain that you are not around all that much anymore. She will start to give you attitude. She will start to challenge you.
My advice to you is… remember that you put her in proper perspective!
Yes, she still is legally your wife; but, she is nothing more than just a roommate. She is the mother of your children, but still just a roommate.
They are now your number one priority. Do all kinds of activities with them and enjoy their time with you.
Invite your wife to join you if she can be pleasant and easy to be around. If she is not pleasant and critical of whatever you do with your kids then just don’t invite her to come along.
Keep in mind she is just a roommate and that your kids are your number one priority.
The next time you take your kids out to pizza and she complains about it… well, be pleasant, be respectful, listen to what she has to say… and then go have pizza with your kids!
Your wife no longer has emotional power over you!!
You are your own person now who can do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.
If she were such a great spouse you would not be going through this whole process of having a life outside your marriage.
Enjoy your kids and spend your quality time with them letting them know that you love them very much.
Do not communicate to them that you have designated your wife to roommate status, as that would only bring tension between you and your kids.
Just focus on their needs and wants as a good dad and you will be very happy you did as the years go by.
The more time you spend with your kids and a high quality parental relationship develops you could only feel good about yourself and feel great about the kids you are raising!!
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Where once you would have you wife come with you to lunch now you either go by yourself or you invite a friend.
One day you are walking down the street and you see a brand-new Italian restaurant and you want to try it out.
Normally you would invite your wife and you would have a very nice evening out eating pasta.
Unfortunately, that was rarely the case because, well…
…your wife would criticize the restaurant throughout the entire meal or just be mean and unpleasant to be with for various reasons; thus, ruining the experience.
So for now on you go to restaurants by yourself. You scope out the types of food you want to eat that your wife refused and plan a night out by yourself and have a good time.
A friend of mine does just that. His wife had become such a problem for him that now he does everything by himself.
Surprisingly he found that he like this much better! He has discovered museums, restaurants, beaches and bookstores that his wife would never think of going with him to.
And let me tell you he is so much happier having this life outside of his marriage.
So instead of thinking of having your wife go with you to go see a particular movie you just go by yourself or with your kids or with friends!
Again, if your wife protests – too bad! She is just a roommate.
You can do whatever you want; and if she does not like it or she complains… you just don’t care.
After a period of time you will discover that you less focus on the negatives about your wife and more focus on the positives of your new life outside of your marriage.
It’s like you stop looking at one wall and start looking at the opposite wall which offers a different color of paint.
Your life quickly changes because now you actually have a life! A life without someone being negative and nasty to be around making you miserable.
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You are working on your self-confidence by getting very fit and spending time with your friends and kids.
The negative influence of your wife has become much less pronounced and you are actually starting to feel pretty damn good.
But! You are becoming horny as hell and you still resent your wife. What to do?
Here are three options that a married man can do that are much more prevalent than society realizes.
You see, many married man are not very happy in their marriages. It’s not just you!
Take a look around you and I willing to bet that at least one third of all married men wish they had never married the woman they are with.
If you are a married guy getting a girlfriend can be somewhat difficult.
Most, if not all single women will stay away from any man who is married. Other married women may be an option but most are very busy raising their families and working very busy careers.
The one way that I have heard of meeting a woman to date while still being married is through a website called AshleyMadison.com.
I have never used this and have not met anyone who has as well. But they advertise just about anywhere and everywhere where men find themselves on the Internet.
They promote dating for married people through the concept of having a marital affair.
The other option is just to hang out with your friends and by doing this at some point you will interact with a woman who may be in the same situation you are.
While I think this is highly unlikely it still is a possibility.
A third option, which I do not recommend, is to post an ad on the singles dating sites such as Match.com.
Here you would not disclose you are married and you date single women with the assumption that they never discover you are married.
While I find this somewhat deceitful I hear that a large number of men do this and are fairly successful with this approach.
That is… they are successful until the woman finds out they are married… and then goes and tells your wife! Instant divorce.
This would be my favorite option as where I currently live there are a ton of Hostess bars, or what we call Korean bars…
…where beautiful and exotic women will sit down and have a drink with you for as long as you want. Of course this cost money.
For example, to purchase a drink for a lady can cost you $20-$30 per drink.
Then imagine that she drinks four or five drinks per hour. You see how quickly this adds up!
Having said that, I know many many married men who have gone down this road and had side relationships with a Korean barmaid.
They claim the sex is incredible, the women are truly exotic and beautiful and they control the tone and tempo of these part-time relationships.
However, be very careful because sooner or later you will start to notice you will be used financially to the extreme!! (Frustrated Husband: Sexless Marriage Advice for Men)
This is an alternative to the Korean bars mentioned above.
With the Korean bar you have ample opportunity to develop an emotional connection as you sit there buying this beautiful exotic Asian girl drinks.
Hopefully over time, using a period of several days or weeks a relationship starts to form and eventually you end up in bed with this woman.
With massage parlors you cut to the chase and have sex with a beautiful exotic Asian girl right out of the gate.
The average fee to have sex at a massage parlor is anywhere from $100 to as high as $500 depending on the quality of the establishment.
I do know for a fact that many many married men go this route.
Here in Honolulu there are a large number of massage parlors that are frequented by thousands of men each and every week.
Most of these men are married and in a sexless marriage.
The women who work in these massage parlors are very beautiful and sexy.
The vast majority are Asian and had been in the business for a number of years.
Quite often more than sex occurs during your session with a lady as conversations ensue… and if you are a repeat customer relationships can somewhat develop.
I do know of one guy who actually takes some of his massage parlor girls out to dinner!
And I know of another who makes it somewhat of an event for himself by treating himself to a very nice dinner at one of the better restaurants in town, flirting with the waitress and drinking a bottle of wine by himself…
…and then traipses off to a local massage parlor to see one of his regular girls.
He tells me that since his marriage has turned to crap this experience of treating himself once a month to a nice dinner and then getting laid has enabled him to stay in his marriage is still be a good husband.
Very interesting.
So in a nutshell we have discussed ways for the unhappy husband who happens to be married to a less than desirable wife to have a life outside the marriage.
We discussed briefly how to go about improving your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.
And the answer to that is to simply get very fit and get socially active around people who are positive influences on your life.
We then discussed ways to live a life outside your marriage.
Pursue hobbies and activities either by yourself or with your friends. By not including your wife you will discover just how happy life can truly be.
Your friends will become your emotional support and your hobbies and interests will slowly replace the negative feelings for your wife that overwhelm you every day.
Lastly we discussed having a sex life. Being married and being sexless is a complete drag. We have given you three options to investigate.
While these may not be the most desirable options they will at least help you become less sexually frustrated and hopefully much more fulfilled as a human being.
So, in a nutshell, if you are married to a woman who is driving you crazy and makes you feel not very happy most of the time – and you cannot get a divorce for various reasons – at least now you have options to start living a life that can be fulfilling.
The key is to put her in proper perspective and denigrate her to roommate status. No longer concern yourself what she thinks or says.
Be caring and be concerned about her well-being. But be more concerned about yourself and your kids than her.
Knowing numerous married man who do just exactly what I described in this report I can attest that they are very happy and living very fulfilled lives.
They all are still married and have great relationships with your kids and their friends.
The relationship they have with their wives has improved as well only because they have pulled back from the marriage and made other parts of their lives the priority.
They are much happy for doing so and I think you will be to.
Note: before you undertake any of the above recommendations I highly recommend you encourage your wife to go to couples counseling.
One does not get married just to get divorced. One does not get married just to live a life outside your marriage.
Make every effort possible to try to make it work before embarking on my recommendations.
By doing so you can look yourself in the mirror and not feel guilty having a life away from your marriage.
I wish you the best of luck!
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